What a ridiculous place. Honestly. Gloria is silly. Frilly. Pink. Full of foliage. Full of enormous portions of Italian delights and completely 100 percent wonderful. It’s the sort of restaurant you might remember from your childhood recreated with perfect attention to detail. A kitschy, disco, Italian Nonna’s kitchen dreamt up by a French person. This is a party restaurant. But the food. Dear lord the food. We’ll get to that.

This is the sort of place you should go with a lot of friends and a big appetite. Sit in a booth and get drunk as hell and have an incredible time. I, as you might imagine, always have a big appetite but Gloria nearly beat me. Seriously. The beef carpaccio dish is nearly a metre long. Let that sink in. Are you ready for a metre of beef carpaccio? The menu is a disaster. Half in Italian, half in bad puns and metaphors but you can basically order anything and it is good (plus huge) so don’t worry.

The friendly, trendy waitstaff are all decked out in candy stripe uniforms, the walls are lined with bottles of ceZano. You can order a cocktail in goblet that has boobs on it. The table cloths are paper and almost instantly slopped with errant ragu. Then when you get to the loo, the stall doors have one way mirrors, so you can nervously watch people whilst you pee. With Serge Gainsbourg and Jane Birkin panting through the stereo. I feel like Gloria are sort of daring you to have sex in their loos. I didn’t though. I was too full.

Of all the BIG food I ate, I was especially delighted by the 10 layer (yes ten) lasagna and the lemon meringue pie. Yes, they are a spectacle but they’re also completely delicious and perfect. I want to go back right now and try all the stuff I did not have room for.

What’s good? Filipos big balls, the lasagna, the cocktails, all the puddings, the pasta that’s served in a wheel of cheese. Yes thank you very much.

Kid friendly? They won’t care but space is tight.

✗baby change facilities

✗highchairs available

✓cool with breastfeeding

✗loads of other parents

✓space for buggies – in a pinch you’ll manage

✗children’s menu

✗toys/play area

Rating ??